Are they really thankful?

As I walked the halls of my school this morning, something caught my eye. People, only a handful, it was early, classes weren't to start for another half hour, but they were there already. Each one, looking at me, then looking away, quickly. I had not slept that night, my hair was clumped, uncombed, my face unwashed, and uncleaned, my eyes slightly red from lack of sleep. As I watched each one of them look away from me, I wondered what was on their mind, what thoughts passed through their heads. Each looking away, a look of almost gratitude on their face, like they were glad, of what, I wasn't quite so sure. I passed the thought off as me simply thinking to much, my mind running wild when it shouldn't be.

I walked into the bookstore, my mind wandering back to the people, those four that had already looked away from me. I tried to pull my mind back to the task at hand, finding a school book, one that I wished I didn't need to have, but need it I do. Finding the book, I walked up to the checkout area, waiting for someone to help me, I leaned against the railing, my mind again drifting back to the people. But it was suddenly pulled back to the task at hand as the young man walked up to me, probably the same age as me, wearing once more the same clothing I had seen him in three times before, a mixed white and black t-shirt, a large silver chain, black hat, and light blue jeans.

Without thinking, I turned to the counter, placing my books down and taking out the card to pay with. As I looked up, card in hand, I saw it again, that look, the same as the four before, and I realized what it looked like. Pushing aside my thoughts, I paid, and left, thanking him as I so often did without thinking. The thought again rolled around in my mind, but this time, it had weight, the weight of a thousand years of pain, or so it felt to me. Walking out of the door of the school, my car a half minute walk from the building, I saw it one last time, that look, this time from a young woman. Almost cringing, I knew the look now, I understood it, a look of thankfulness, and I thought to myself, 'Could they really be thinking to themselves that they are thankful that they don't know me? Because I haven't washed today, I haven't combed my hair?' And I still think, sitting here, these thoughts still crushing all other thoughts in my mind, are they really thankful?